[Post 050] Anonymous Text

[francia]

Need help regarding love, potential relationships, and the like? Ask here.

[A very simple premise with ulterior motives. France will, however, answer all the questions seriously because love, in his opinion, should always be taken seriously no matter how big or how small.]

Comments

[Anon Text]

[francia]

I do. And I also think that there is a relationship by virtue of the fact we've had this conversation. You aren't simply people who know each other; there is a history between the two of you. You imply other conversations and other interactions. This other is a strong figure in your life whether you want him there or not. That is a type of relationship.

[France initially paused before adding a second part to the text and sending it.]

You're deeply invested in this. Both the state of the relationship and your investment upsets you. You asked me questions about love and then told me about this relationship only to deny the existence of the relationship just now. You love this person and you oscillate between acknowledging and denying it. Choose one or the other. You can't do both.

Re: [Anon Text]

[a_sin_for_him]

a relationship requires something on both sides. a longing isn't a relationship. i'm deeply invested in the person, but whatever is between us doesn't deserve the grand designation of 'relationship'.

i'm not denying my feelings, but i barely even understand what they are. do i love him? or is it just some ideal? or is it caught up in something else entirely? i don't know. i know i feel for him and at times it seems a consuming thing. but i can't bring these things to him without upsetting him somehow or making things somehow worse. i don't want that.

[Anon Text]

[francia]

You want progress. As much as this situation causes you despair and anger, it also is something that you want to understand. The process of understanding what you're feeling and where you are in the relationship is your next step.

You already have the hard part done: you know what you want to discover about the love you're experiencing. And it is a type of love; it would not be so painful if it wasn't, and the worst you can do for yourself is deny it. Love has many expressions, and it's unique to each individual and situation. I gave you some basic definitions, pushed you on your inquiry, and maybe was a bit cruel in this. You need to, in your own time and method of contemplation, define your love. Then you will know what to do with it.