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Entry tags:
- !route_29,
- *canada | axis powers hetalia,
- *china | axis powers hetalia,
- *claire bennet | heroes,
- *dale cooper | twin peaks,
- *envy | fullmetal alchemist,
- *jeanne d'arc | afterschool charisma,
- *merlin | merlin (bbc),
- *miles edgeworth | phoenix wright,
- *romano | axis powers hetalia,
- it... hurts...,
- oh god why,
- this france is dramatic
[Post 020] Text/Action for Goldenrod City
France has lived for a long time.
It's a difficult truth to express. Age is completely relative for him, whose body ages so minutely a human lifetime wouldn't notice. He isn't even entirely sure of how many years have passed before his eyes, not exactly, not anymore than he can be certain of how he came to be. Those early years, when Paris was still fields and forests, are lost even to him; at best, they are half-remembered visions that might have been imagined from stories told in his youth.
And even that "youth" is a relative term. He does a lot to make himself look older. The stubble only started growing during the later 1800's, and he clings to it, this tiny marker that he is older, that the world has changed from when he was innocent and young and, at times, utterly insane. He wants so badly to believe that yes, I, too, grew up, that yes, I, too, have the capacity to change, that it's alright (or it will be, one day).
But it isn't alright, not really.
France has always lived without regrets.
Maybe it's because he's lived so long; maybe it's because he's arrogant; or maybe it's even because this is just how France is. He couldn't be himself if he harbored regrets, if he let them fester inside of his heart, poisoning, curdling, rotting against his ribcage until the only thing that would be left would be a tattered and putrid shell. And so he doesn't regret, won't let himself, because such an existence wouldn't be beautiful, wouldn't be French.
Instead, he wishes. Wishes are full of all sorts of things, of dreams and love and humanity. Wishes can be bitter, too, but not poisonous like regrets, so France wishes for many things. Sometimes, he wishes for food, for shelter, for water, for warmth, for cold. But, more often, he wishes for simpler things. He wishes for friends, for lovers, for family and children and something to hold and cherish as his own.
Because these are the things he calls beautiful.
France was never good at it, the loosing people thing. Out of all the Nation's he's ever met, he's really exceptionally bad at it. As a Nation, it's normal to outlive all other living things. It's too painful to have to grieve the death of each human, to watch so many people and creatures and things pass out of their lives. This is why France tries his best not to get too attached to anything or anyone.
But France loves.
If there is anything France is guilty of, then it would be love, and attachment is essential to love. It creates the threads that bind a person to another, weaving inbetween and blossoming out of the cracks, like ivy running up the sides of a brick house. Each memory, each touch, each sound or smell or sensation that is associated with another being; that is a thread, that is an attachment, that is love, and that is what France does:
He loves.
He leans against a street lamp, humming to himself, the heel of his left boot beating time against the metal base, his head tilted up to watch the street lamp's bright, unchanging light. Every now and then, he makes to move and then settles back against the lamp post, going back to humming the same song over and over, not really thinking about it.
I promised I would stay...
He closes his eyes after a while, closes them and laughs, unevenly, under and over his own breath. The volume gradually builds, and he's not entirely sure if he's laughing or choking or screaming, not anymore, not now, not ever because the world has gone mad, and this is where love has brought him, to this place where the sidewalk ends.
I stayed.
A handful of hundreds of years ago, when he was still young and unattached, he might have been able to adjust to this place and not just survive. The world had seemed wider then, or more simple, at least in an roundabout sort of way. France isn't sure when things changed. Maybe it was when gas became the order of the day, or when total warfare was no longer a theory, or when he looked up and saw a man in a balloon soaring up
up
and up
into the sky.
Canada's things are still there, parts and pieces scattered about the hotel room.
France doesn't know what to do with them.
Maybe he'll have Marianne burn them and destroy all traces of the boy and the memories of what they shared, or, maybe, he'll hold onto them and act like maybe Canada will come back one day, some day, and let his self-deception grow further.
Or, maybe, he'll open the wine bottle in the fridge and drink it all down, drown it all out. He'll make tonight easier and tomorrow harder, when he has to remember, has to hurt, and has do something at the same time.
Or, maybe, he'll just sit among all these pieces
all these little memories that he loves
strewn out and around the room,
tossed around and held close,
knees against his chest,
hands in his hair,
and just
cry
[Public Text]
Canada's gone. Sometime in the night. He wasn't kidnapped. I would have heard him. I would have known. He's gone.
[Private Text to Envy]
Can you stay over tonight?
It's a difficult truth to express. Age is completely relative for him, whose body ages so minutely a human lifetime wouldn't notice. He isn't even entirely sure of how many years have passed before his eyes, not exactly, not anymore than he can be certain of how he came to be. Those early years, when Paris was still fields and forests, are lost even to him; at best, they are half-remembered visions that might have been imagined from stories told in his youth.
And even that "youth" is a relative term. He does a lot to make himself look older. The stubble only started growing during the later 1800's, and he clings to it, this tiny marker that he is older, that the world has changed from when he was innocent and young and, at times, utterly insane. He wants so badly to believe that yes, I, too, grew up, that yes, I, too, have the capacity to change, that it's alright (or it will be, one day).
But it isn't alright, not really.
France has always lived without regrets.
Maybe it's because he's lived so long; maybe it's because he's arrogant; or maybe it's even because this is just how France is. He couldn't be himself if he harbored regrets, if he let them fester inside of his heart, poisoning, curdling, rotting against his ribcage until the only thing that would be left would be a tattered and putrid shell. And so he doesn't regret, won't let himself, because such an existence wouldn't be beautiful, wouldn't be French.
Instead, he wishes. Wishes are full of all sorts of things, of dreams and love and humanity. Wishes can be bitter, too, but not poisonous like regrets, so France wishes for many things. Sometimes, he wishes for food, for shelter, for water, for warmth, for cold. But, more often, he wishes for simpler things. He wishes for friends, for lovers, for family and children and something to hold and cherish as his own.
Because these are the things he calls beautiful.
France was never good at it, the loosing people thing. Out of all the Nation's he's ever met, he's really exceptionally bad at it. As a Nation, it's normal to outlive all other living things. It's too painful to have to grieve the death of each human, to watch so many people and creatures and things pass out of their lives. This is why France tries his best not to get too attached to anything or anyone.
But France loves.
If there is anything France is guilty of, then it would be love, and attachment is essential to love. It creates the threads that bind a person to another, weaving inbetween and blossoming out of the cracks, like ivy running up the sides of a brick house. Each memory, each touch, each sound or smell or sensation that is associated with another being; that is a thread, that is an attachment, that is love, and that is what France does:
He leans against a street lamp, humming to himself, the heel of his left boot beating time against the metal base, his head tilted up to watch the street lamp's bright, unchanging light. Every now and then, he makes to move and then settles back against the lamp post, going back to humming the same song over and over, not really thinking about it.
He closes his eyes after a while, closes them and laughs, unevenly, under and over his own breath. The volume gradually builds, and he's not entirely sure if he's laughing or choking or screaming, not anymore, not now, not ever because the world has gone mad, and this is where love has brought him, to this place where the sidewalk ends.
A handful of hundreds of years ago, when he was still young and unattached, he might have been able to adjust to this place and not just survive. The world had seemed wider then, or more simple, at least in an roundabout sort of way. France isn't sure when things changed. Maybe it was when gas became the order of the day, or when total warfare was no longer a theory, or when he looked up and saw a man in a balloon soaring up
and up
into the sky.
Canada's things are still there, parts and pieces scattered about the hotel room.
France doesn't know what to do with them.
Maybe he'll have Marianne burn them and destroy all traces of the boy and the memories of what they shared, or, maybe, he'll hold onto them and act like maybe Canada will come back one day, some day, and let his self-deception grow further.
Or, maybe, he'll open the wine bottle in the fridge and drink it all down, drown it all out. He'll make tonight easier and tomorrow harder, when he has to remember, has to hurt, and has do something at the same time.
all these little memories that he loves
strewn out and around the room,
tossed around and held close,
knees against his chest,
hands in his hair,
and just
cry
[Public Text]
Canada's gone. Sometime in the night. He wasn't kidnapped. I would have heard him. I would have known. He's gone.
[Private Text to Envy]
Can you stay over tonight?
[Action]
He's going to have to thank Cooper later somehow for allowing France to do this. After all, it's a rather compromising position for both of them, and Cooper would have every right to feel embarrassed, crouched out in public with a wailing man in his arms. France will make it up to him, most definitely.
[Action]
There is a certain point where you can't cry anymore. Once he feels France is beginning to calm down, at least enough, he draws back a little, his hands on France's shoulders and searching for his eyes.
"Is there a place we can go?" he asks, gently, voice soft. 'We' because he's not leaving the other until he knows he'll be okay. He doesn't care actually care that much about where they are, but being someplace where you feel safe, somewhere familiar, somewhere where you're in control, can do a lot to make things feel less desperate.
[Action]
"I should..." he swallows, breathes out with a shudder; "I should go back to my hotel."
He's not dressed for the weather at all, having just dashed out in similar disarray as he had left the hotel room in. Normally, France wouldn't be caught dead in anything less than a completely put-together outfit, but his boots are unlaced, his work uniform not at all pressed and utterly ruffled.
"I look terrible."
[Action]
After another few moments, he shifts, making just enough distance between them to stand up, offering the Nation his left hand to help him up as well. His coat is creased and rumpled and a little wet and his mind is quiet.
"Do you want me to stay with you?"
The question is asked mostly out of courtesy, because he does intend to. Cooper doesn't leave people if he can help it - not anymore.
[Action]
"I would greatly appreciate it if you'd be so kind as to walk with me," he answers after a moment. "You don't have to, if you're busy. I just... I would like a little company."
[Action]
"I'm not busy," he says, and is this world, it seems he never his. He'd like to be, in many ways; things were so quiet in Johto in a way he wasn't sure how to deal with. The fact he even thought of what peace there was as something to be dealt with ... He loves Johto. It's just a little too different at times.
And of course, there's this. Strange things happening. People disappearing. He's been lucky no one significant has disappeared on him, even if he does feel a little on edge every time he notices someone he used to talk to is gone.
"Even if I was I believe I have my priorities straight. I'll stay for as long as you need me."
[Action]
He breathes out and then curls his fingers into the fabric of Cooper's left shirt sleeve, pulling close again.
"Hotel."
[Action]
He's a good man in a crisis. He just strongly dislikes the fact that these kind of situations have to exist.
[Action]
He tightens his hold on Cooper, sighing shakily.
"Thank you."
[Action]
"What floor are you staying at?" he asks once they're there. He holds open the big front doors.
[Action]
"Sixteenth," he answers, nodding to himself.
[Action]
He takes in the messy state and red eyes, but those are things he would have seen even without looking. He's looking for a trace of evil. He knows it won't be there but he still feels better when he's confirmed it for himself.
He's seen people destroyed by it. He's seen people touched by it, but this isn't evil, not the kind he had back home. It's a comfort he'll gladly take.
He puts a hand on France's shoulder. Considers asking him how he feels now, but decides to remain silent as he watches the numbers on the display above the elevator count down.
[Action]
"I wish the music would change at least," he says, somewhat petulantly. "It's so damn cheerful."
[Action]
If things started changing around him after a major change like the disappearance of a friend, Coop knows he wouldn't deal very well with it. Ding, says the elevator, and he steps into it, pulling France gently along and pressing the proper button.
[Action]
His room isn't that far off down the right side of the hall, and he fishes around in his pants pockets for the key. He pauses for a moment, staring at the door like the key will magically jump from his hand and open it for him, expression sad and rather lost. Canada won't be in there. Just his things.
[Action]
[Action]
[Action]
He never did things like that, personally. He could see how it would help relieve stress and tension, but Cooper had always been the kind to just lie down and disappear when things were too much. Thankfully, they rarely were.
He's not sure where to stand in the middle of the chaos.
"How are you feeling?" he finally asks, deeming it appropriate now. The question is soft. He wants a long answer.